Being in a situation where you feel like all hope is lost and you have the weight of the world on your shoulders is not enviable by anyone. Then, there is always that person of positivity that will tell you God will not give you more than you can carry. Really? During the darkest days of Matthew's illness I often had private conversations with God, asking just what He thought I could bear. Because I knew that my shoulders had all they could carry. I needed some of the weight lifted. Why were we chosen to carry this burden?
There was no answer revealed during those conversations. All I could do was tell myself that there has to be a point to all of it. As a mom, I needed that point to be made very clear, very soon! Holding onto my faith and trusting in God is really hard when you want to be on your time and not on God's watch.
What I learned through all of it is that we are never on "our" time. God is always the one moving the hands of the clock around in a circle. I am grateful that He always found a way for me to see that he was truly in control and to trust. Faith doesn't keep bad things from happening. It just gives you the strength to deal with them when they come.